It happened really fast. But I wouldn't have it any other way - I'm ready to start over. I feel like I've been living in limbo for the past 3 years. Perhaps that is a terrible thing to say since that entire period of time includes my marriage. But I think he would agree... I never felt like this was "home". I wasn't excited about our house and our property, I didn't envision living there for the rest of my life - I stared into a blank space when I thought about the future. We'd talking about having kids, but it was more a far-off idea rather than something I realistically considered. I was unhappy for the majority of the past few years - broken even. I withdrew from my family and friends, even losing friends along the way. But I couldn't (honestly, refused) to accept the inevitable and it took me time to understand what was coming next. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff deciding my fate - would I jump and fall into the abyss? Or would I jump and magically find wings?
In the end, it didn't matter. Either way I was planning on jumping.
So, I took that proverbial leap of faith. And one year later, I am whole again. I found some hidden inner strength that I never knew I possessed and ran with it - literally. I've become a better version of myself, mentally and physically healthier.
Aaaaaand I'm taking that leap again. I'm moving halfway across the country on a whim. I feel like I threw a dart at a map and thats where I'm headed. This is the biggest change I've ever made in my life and I'm doing it completely on my own. I don't have a husband or boyfriend or best friend to do this with. I have little Jazz though - my trusty and loyal underwear-eating sidekick.
Am I terrified? You bet your ass I am.
But oh dear God - I am excited. Cheers to new beginnings and new adventures!
(I'll get back to the heart of what this blog is "supposed" to be about in due time... until then, keep your fingers crossed for me, my negative three readers). I will eventually keep up with writing. Really. I think.
