i've been trying to write this for a month. i got distracted. as i do. i made a resolution to blog more. i already failed. but who cares?
if im being completely honest, i'm not sure where the past 10 years and 1 month have gone. im sure the same holds true for most of us - it feels like a lifetime and maybe a year at the same time. where were you 10 years ago? what was important to you? were you happy? how do you think you have changed?
the end of a decade begs for retrospective thinking. i saw the standard #topnine and i love seeing a snapshot of the year my family and friends had. social media isn't really a balanced representation of who we are as humans, but for the most part, its at least postive. thank you for sharing your happy days with me. feel free to share your realities too. im here for all of it.
as for me - 10 years ago, i was 25. i was in veterinary school. i was in love. i think. or i really wanted to be in love. i was infatuated with the unknown. it was a new town, new way of life, and new partner. i wasn't going to get what i wanted in the relationship that i was in when i went away to school but i never fell out of love with that first man - at least, not for awhile. i think that set the stage for confusing and muddled relationships for years to come. i rushed into something new - with someone i thought would give me everything i ever wanted.
i was wrong.
but i learned a lot.
and when my future was staring me in the face - the thought of starting a family with someone i was no longer in love with - i knew what i had to do. it took a long time to come to terms with my decision. i did a lot of soul searching. a lot of biking and running and soul searching. at the end of the day, there were fundamental issues that neither of us were willing to budge on.
i decided to leave. it was time to start over.
i did just that. with zero regrets. its the scariest and bravest thing i ever did. and i did it big. i had to change jobs and i took the opportunity to make a half-a-country-away leap of faith and move out of the state with a moving truck and my dog. that last morning in illinois, my family and friends helped me pack up my life into a u-haul that my dad would drive across the eastern states while i followed with Jasmine in my cobalt. dad helped me set up my new life in virginia and mom arrived a week later to put the finishing touches on making that new life beautiful.
i thrived. i found myself again. i found a tribe of people that supported the new me. i kept my loved ones that were there for the hard parts - my family and a few friends - but it was hard to keep the friends that knew me as the girlfriend or wife of my ex-husband. it was a constant reminder of him and i didn't - no, couldn't - handle it. to those that i cared for and who cared about me - i'm sorry for shutting you out and not including you in my present life. im sorry i fell off the planet without explanation. i'm sorry if i hurt you or you felt i didn't care. from the bottom of my heart, i cared. and i still do. and i think of you and smile. thank you for being there for me when you were.
i don't have many regrets in the past 10 years but i have done things i wish i could take back because people were hurt. im sorry if you were one of those people.
in this age of what feels like a whole new beginning - be it metaphorical or not - i ask myself what people will say about me when im gone. i know that seems dark, and trust me, i don't plan on going anywhere for a very long time, but i listen to a lot of true crime (*insert lighthearted laugh*). i want to be a person that leaves a mark and whos actions speak the most about her.
so, at the start of this - a new decade - i think the most important question we need to ask ourselves is a simple one:
i was wrong.
but i learned a lot.
and when my future was staring me in the face - the thought of starting a family with someone i was no longer in love with - i knew what i had to do. it took a long time to come to terms with my decision. i did a lot of soul searching. a lot of biking and running and soul searching. at the end of the day, there were fundamental issues that neither of us were willing to budge on.
i decided to leave. it was time to start over.
i did just that. with zero regrets. its the scariest and bravest thing i ever did. and i did it big. i had to change jobs and i took the opportunity to make a half-a-country-away leap of faith and move out of the state with a moving truck and my dog. that last morning in illinois, my family and friends helped me pack up my life into a u-haul that my dad would drive across the eastern states while i followed with Jasmine in my cobalt. dad helped me set up my new life in virginia and mom arrived a week later to put the finishing touches on making that new life beautiful.
i thrived. i found myself again. i found a tribe of people that supported the new me. i kept my loved ones that were there for the hard parts - my family and a few friends - but it was hard to keep the friends that knew me as the girlfriend or wife of my ex-husband. it was a constant reminder of him and i didn't - no, couldn't - handle it. to those that i cared for and who cared about me - i'm sorry for shutting you out and not including you in my present life. im sorry i fell off the planet without explanation. i'm sorry if i hurt you or you felt i didn't care. from the bottom of my heart, i cared. and i still do. and i think of you and smile. thank you for being there for me when you were.
i don't have many regrets in the past 10 years but i have done things i wish i could take back because people were hurt. im sorry if you were one of those people.
in this age of what feels like a whole new beginning - be it metaphorical or not - i ask myself what people will say about me when im gone. i know that seems dark, and trust me, i don't plan on going anywhere for a very long time, but i listen to a lot of true crime (*insert lighthearted laugh*). i want to be a person that leaves a mark and whos actions speak the most about her.
so, at the start of this - a new decade - i think the most important question we need to ask ourselves is a simple one:
how can i make a positive impact on the world?
or better yet - and more tangible -
how can i make a positive impact on the world around me?
actions speak louder than words. the simple adage is so true.
i hope this year and this decade brings you happiness. love. laughter. fulfillment. in a world that sometimes seems scary but can be so beautiful - be kind to one another.
smile.
please share your light with me and with others. we need more light in this world.
share your triumphs. own them. remember how awesome you are.
be proud of YOU. did you win an award? high five! did you get out of bed? high five! each day doesn't have to be worthy of a parade, but if you feel like you accomplished something - be proud of yourself. stop comparing youself to everyone else on social media. don't be embarassed for being who you are. i bought a my little pony on ebay the other day because it made me smile and reminded me of being a kid. and because i have a job that im proud of and i made my money. high five! so, now its my pain cave mascot. what random thing have you done recently that made you smile?
share your struggles if you need support. we all struggle. its all relative. don't feel like your struggles are less important or less real.
share your triumphs. own them. remember how awesome you are.
be proud of YOU. did you win an award? high five! did you get out of bed? high five! each day doesn't have to be worthy of a parade, but if you feel like you accomplished something - be proud of yourself. stop comparing youself to everyone else on social media. don't be embarassed for being who you are. i bought a my little pony on ebay the other day because it made me smile and reminded me of being a kid. and because i have a job that im proud of and i made my money. high five! so, now its my pain cave mascot. what random thing have you done recently that made you smile?
share your struggles if you need support. we all struggle. its all relative. don't feel like your struggles are less important or less real.
cheers. and many, many blessings.
xoxo,
heather
xoxo,
heather
