Friday, January 23, 2015


I'm looking for a new job.  It's time.  Honestly, it's been time for awhile but it seems things are falling into place now - and quickly.  I have many reservations about moving out of the state - away from my family, best friends, and my comfortable little life that I've created.  As much as I adore my little house, I've known all along it was going to be temporary - I feel like I've been existing in this current life, knowing that it wasn't permanent, but more of a limbo situation.

Truth time.  I'm scared shitless.  After the divorce and moving out on my own and on my own terms was incredibly scary.  At the same time, it was a little bit exhilarating too.  I'm supporting myself and Jazz, figuring it out as I go.  I know I complain sometimes about this adorable house, but the quirks are why I love it.  I like that the heat doesn't work right.  I like that I the water pressure is finicky and that there is an exact science to balancing the hot/cold water in the shower (it works perfectly everywhere else).  I'm 30 years old, living alone for the first time in my life and this house is mine (albeit temporarily) - in 10 years I'll back and laugh about all the problems I've had with this house, but you know what?  I figured it all out myself.  And  what I couldn't fix, I found ways of managing it.  

Its the same way with triathlon.  I feel like I've made most of it up as i've gone along but its worked for me so far.  When the bike trainer broke, I fixed it.  WITH TOOLS.  BY MYSELF.  It makes me sad to think about parting with it this year but it really does need an upgrade.  Training was out of a book that I tweaked (as if I know what I'm doing to change the training plan to meet my "needs" - uh, needs? right...).   

Regardless, 2014 was all about changes.  EVERYTHING changed.  And I'm a happier, stronger, more confident person because of it.  2015 will bring more changes... but maybe this is the start to a more permanent life.  It's emotional to think about, this so-called ice princess here just might be tearing up a bit thinking about how far I've come in 1 year.  

The job situation is promising though... I had interviews this week, they seemed to go well.  I'm excited for the possibiities... and I'm pumped to move and join a tri team - I plan on killing it out there this year.  

But I know I will miss where I'm at now, especially the handful of people I love with all my heart.  Love you "Mom" and "Dad".  You know I'll miss you more than anything.  Especially my "Mom" - you truly saved me this year.  And I am forever grateful.  

Upward and onward.    

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