Neglectful

I've definitely been neglecting this poor blog... I apologize to my negative three readers.  In short, a CRAP TON has happened - and is happening.  I accepted a position in Virginia, I gave work 4 weeks notice, and now I am moving in just under 1 week.  

It happened really fast.  But I wouldn't have it any other way - I'm ready to start over.  I feel like I've been living in limbo for the past 3 years.  Perhaps that is a terrible thing to say since that entire period of time includes my marriage.  But I think he would agree... I never felt like this was "home".  I wasn't excited about our house and our property, I didn't envision living there for the rest of my life - I stared into a blank space when I thought about the future.  We'd talking about having kids, but it was more a far-off idea rather than something I realistically considered.  I was unhappy for the majority of the past few years - broken even.  I withdrew from my family and friends, even losing friends along the way.  But I couldn't (honestly, refused) to accept the inevitable and it took me time to understand what was coming next.  I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff deciding my fate - would I jump and fall into the abyss?  Or would I jump and magically find wings?  

In the end, it didn't matter.  Either way I was planning on jumping.  

So, I took that proverbial leap of faith.  And one year later, I am whole again.  I found some hidden inner strength that I never knew I possessed and ran with it - literally.  I've become a better version of myself, mentally and physically healthier.  

Aaaaaand I'm taking that leap again.  I'm moving halfway across the country on a whim.  I feel like I threw a dart at a map and thats where I'm headed.  This is the biggest change I've ever made in my life and I'm doing it completely on my own.  I don't have a husband or boyfriend or best friend to do this with.  I have little Jazz though - my trusty and loyal underwear-eating sidekick.  

Am I terrified?  You bet your ass I am.  

But oh dear God - I am excited.  Cheers to new beginnings and new adventures!

(I'll get back to the heart of what this blog is "supposed" to be about in due time... until then, keep your fingers crossed for me, my negative three readers).  I will eventually keep up with writing.  Really.  I think.  

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I'm looking for a new job.  It's time.  Honestly, it's been time for awhile but it seems things are falling into place now - and quickly.  I have many reservations about moving out of the state - away from my family, best friends, and my comfortable little life that I've created.  As much as I adore my little house, I've known all along it was going to be temporary - I feel like I've been existing in this current life, knowing that it wasn't permanent, but more of a limbo situation.

Truth time.  I'm scared shitless.  After the divorce and moving out on my own and on my own terms was incredibly scary.  At the same time, it was a little bit exhilarating too.  I'm supporting myself and Jazz, figuring it out as I go.  I know I complain sometimes about this adorable house, but the quirks are why I love it.  I like that the heat doesn't work right.  I like that I the water pressure is finicky and that there is an exact science to balancing the hot/cold water in the shower (it works perfectly everywhere else).  I'm 30 years old, living alone for the first time in my life and this house is mine (albeit temporarily) - in 10 years I'll back and laugh about all the problems I've had with this house, but you know what?  I figured it all out myself.  And  what I couldn't fix, I found ways of managing it.  

Its the same way with triathlon.  I feel like I've made most of it up as i've gone along but its worked for me so far.  When the bike trainer broke, I fixed it.  WITH TOOLS.  BY MYSELF.  It makes me sad to think about parting with it this year but it really does need an upgrade.  Training was out of a book that I tweaked (as if I know what I'm doing to change the training plan to meet my "needs" - uh, needs? right...).   

Regardless, 2014 was all about changes.  EVERYTHING changed.  And I'm a happier, stronger, more confident person because of it.  2015 will bring more changes... but maybe this is the start to a more permanent life.  It's emotional to think about, this so-called ice princess here just might be tearing up a bit thinking about how far I've come in 1 year.  

The job situation is promising though... I had interviews this week, they seemed to go well.  I'm excited for the possibiities... and I'm pumped to move and join a tri team - I plan on killing it out there this year.  

But I know I will miss where I'm at now, especially the handful of people I love with all my heart.  Love you "Mom" and "Dad".  You know I'll miss you more than anything.  Especially my "Mom" - you truly saved me this year.  And I am forever grateful.  

Upward and onward.    

Race Recap: Lifetime Indoor Triathlon

I came across this race on facebook a few weeks ago - it happened to fall on the day my brother would be flying back to Utah after staying at the parents' house for two weeks; I also was going to be visiting them that weekend so why not do a short race to start off the year?

Around the country, many of the Lifetime Fitness centers hold this indoor triathlon on the same day.  You race for distance, not time.   The races consists of a 10 minute swim, 10 minute T1, 30 minute bike, 5 minute T2, and 20 minute run.  

Weirdly, I tossed and turned a lot the previous night.  I woke up feeling a little nervous (what there was to be honestly nervous about, i don't know) but ate the usual Thomas blueberry bagel and peanut butter.  My ever-supportive family came with me to watch.  There were literally 3 other people watching, so my family comprised 50% of the total spectators, making me one lucky girl.  

After watching the 8th heat of the swim, all 10 of us in the heat (2 to a lane) jumped in and warmed up for a few minutes.  Turns out, the woman next to me had done 5 ironmans - including Louisville - so we chatted for a few minutes.  If the weather is decent in October, it sounds like it could be a great race for me.  

Ready, set, go.  Started swimming - hauled ass for the first few minutes, then got a little tired.  My body doesn't remember how to swim fast.  In my head, I felt like I was flying, but I was a little concerned that to the rest of the world, I resembled a sea slug.  Finished in 625m.  I was a little disappointed - I feel like I should be able to swim faster than that.  

Momma P followed me into the locker room and proceeded with a photo shoot which I'm sure the other patrons appreciated.  I secretly enjoyed it.  My parents are SO supportive in everything I do but not overbearing about it.  I appreciated their enthusiasm for this little tri that I was just doing on a whim.    Changed from swim suit to SOAS gear (I seriously LOVE the retro kit) to go onto the bike.  Kind of dilly-dallied in the locker room with mom.  10 minute T1?  Hell, that's the average length of my transitions normally... ha, you think I'm kidding...

The bike was on spin bikes set up in the corner of one of the gyms.  Ready, set, go #2.  Shoes were super loose in the clips (the women next to me was quite displeased with the situation) but what are you gonna do?  Started pedaling, started to tire quickly.  It seemed no matter what I did, I was barely maintaining 19 mph.  Good GOD I don't think I have pedaled that hard or fast in any race whatsoever.  That probably explains my inability to do sprint tris well.  Seriously, one-speed-wonder.  I really need to work on that this year.   I digress.  

Sweated my ass off for 30 minutes only to "travel" 9.6 miles.  In my head, I was convinced that I would win this race... however, after seeing that number, I figured I better run my little heart out if I was going to have a chance of winning.

5 min T2.  Took my time putting on socks and running shoes only to walk through the doors to the sounds of a fire alarm.  Drill?  Judging by the quick pace of the people walking toward the door and the smokey smell in the air, my first thought was "DAMN IT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?"  

It was not only the race interference that ticked me off, but also the fact that it was snowing and I was wearing a sweaty tri kit.  Things took a turn for the exciting when four fire trucks pulled up and a handful of attractive fire fighters came in to save the day, but by then I was too cold to care, though I may have watched them for a minute or two... The lifetime crew couldn't decide where they wanted us to stand, so we transitioned between the lobby, vestibule, and outdoors until I said screw it, I'm sitting in the car.  

After 30 odd minutes or so, the firemen filed out, so we returned inside to see if we were going to finish the race.  Sure enough, after a few minutes, we were on the treadmills about to hit start. 

Ready, set, go #3.  This was odd to me since you have to manually set the pace.  I wasn't entirely sure how fast I could go, but I estimated maybe 7:15 min/mi?  I started out at 7:18 and worked my way to 6:58 after a short while.  I held that pace through the end, though I started to get a little light headed and my legs felt slightly ataxic but I willed them to keep running and finish the time.  It was weird because I know I can do that outside, but I've never run that fast on a treadmill before for a sustained period of time, so maybe that had something to do with it?  I have no idea.  

FInished the 20 min run in 2.82, which figures to be 7:05 average.  Not terrible, but wasn't convinced that would make up for the subpar bike distance.  After a few minutes off the treadmill, I felt back to normal and was ready to keep running for awhile but family insisted on leaving, obviously.  

Overall, it was a fun experience, but it definitely does not play on my strengths as an athlete.  I know I'm cut out for long, endurance-type races - conveniently, I have fallen in love with races that take well over 3+ hours.  I would say the longer the better, but some of these ultra races just seem insane.  Many, many cheers to those who complete them, but not sure they interest me all that much.  Its a little funny because I was looking up the USAT rankings (something I don't altogether understand, but someone was talking about them so I looked it up) - my ranking in short races was in the low 80's but throw the full and half IMs in the mix and the scores jump up to 87 and even 94 for wisconsin.  

I'm SO excited to be doing two IMs this year, Im ready to try to race one now!  Last year was more an experiment to see what I was capable of doing - I definintely took my time on the bike because I was scared I would have no legs to run on.  Later, I felt awesome running but again, I was scared to push it because I wasn't sure how long the legs would last.  Apparently they lasted until the end and I finished with energy to spare - obviously I need to change many things in future races. 

I.E. learning to ride a bike better.  and to stop taking naps in transition.  I can't figure out what takes me so long when I'm not even changing!

Results were posted a couple days later - I beat all the women which was my goal - not a bad way to start the year!  Makes me excited to start training for real and start racing again.  Can't WAIT to sport the new SOAS gear and meet some of the ladies on the team also - its going to be a lovely 2015!

Making a Difference

Its been a cancer-ridden month at work.  Two lymphoma diagnoses in as many days - one of which was in for her annual exam and vaccines.  As soon as I kneeled down and said my usual "Hello beautiful" to the dog, I KNEW.  I could see the enlarged lymph nodes before I even touched her.  My heart sank immediately.   

I took an aspirate, confirmed my suspicions, and discussed the diagnosis with the owner.  These are truly difficult, heart-wrenching talks.  This particular chat was difficult for more reasons than the obvious and I could feel myself getting teary-eyed.  We decided on pursuing treatment within our animal hospital instead of a referral to the oncologist.  

I've seen her every other week for over a month for rechecks and bloodwork.  I've changed her doses based on bloodwork, trying to reach that happy medium between treating her disease and not altering her internal organ function too much.  I think, THINK, we've reached a good point... as good as good can be I suppose given her disease.   I told her owner to keep up the good work and that I was really pleased with how she was doing and her owner responded with "its all thanks to you".  

I was speechless for a moment.  She may not know how much that small sentence meant, but it definitely stuck with me.  Its great to feel appreciated, but even better to feel like I am making a difference in hers and her pets life.  I asked her if it was okay to write about her girl in my blog and she let me share this picture: 

Please keep this girl (and her owner) in your thoughts and prayers.  She's a little sweetheart, isn't she?

Streaking

But not fun naked streaking... Running streaking! Today marks day 15 of the 36 day running streak - Thanksgiving to New Years. Its not a super impressive streak - compared to 5 years or more from some that I've heard. But I personally have never run 15 days in a row. Nor did I ever have the desire to run 15 consecutive days... but its a goal that I want to complete nonetheless. We have a facebook group that we've been posting in and shit-talking encouraging each other, which has kept us accountable.

The only issue with the 2+ week streak so far is this nagging sickness that I've been battling. It hasn't been lots of fun to run these past two weeks with this alternating thick congestion and faucet-like crap coming out of my nose. AWESOME. I haven't quite decided how I feel about exercising while feeling like junk, but I'm strong enough to be able to run without collapsing, so I figure I'm good - though maybe it is lingering because I haven't been resting enough? Last night I was attempting valiantly to order my brother something online - it needed to be done by 1 am because thats when the sale ended - I FELL ASLEEP TYPING. I woke up half sleeping on my laptop with an imprint of my phone on my face.

Oh... to be an adult.

Despite the gross flu/cold deal, running hasn't been too bad. Averaging anywhere from 1 to 8 miles so far daily - this weekend I want to do at least 10 on saturday or sunday, the weather is supposed to be a little more mild. I've even run AT NIGHT. OUTSIDE. I NEVER do that, but its been fun, though maybe not the safest choice - so I took Jazz with me and it was good for both of us.

Almost halfway through the streak and my legs are still holding up. This is a bigger deal to me because I never run more than 3 days a week - my knee has never been able to handle running consecutive days. No pain, feeling decently good - bodes well for next year!

Puppy Magic

I'd like to say work is all puppies and kittens and petting animals. It's really not. But sometimes, on those sunshine-y days, sometimes all it takes is a litter of puppies to make your day brighter.

This morning, my first appointment of the day was a litter of 3 week old puppies. Perfect, innocent puppies. And their mom was an equally sweet girl that clearly adored her babies. I love seeing how moms and babies interact, it could melt a Frozen heart (I've been called "ice princess" at work... I am not Elsa) - see what I did there? Anyone? Do you want to build a snowman? I digress. This cold medicine is making me loony.

I examined mom and she was looking pretty fantastic for dealing with quintuplets for 3 weeks. She gave me lots of doggy kisses and showed me where her babies were and didn't seem to mind when I picked them up to examine them as long as I kept them in her line of sight. She watched me like a hawk as I picked up each puppy, but she was fairly calm about the whole ordeal.

Puppies are quite hysterical. By three weeks, you can really start to see their personalities emerge. This litter had four males and one female. And mark my words - that little girl is going to get herself in TROUBLE. She is fearless and the only one of the pups to wander around the room, attempt to climb the wall, and nibble on her owner's sweatpants. She was vocal - she cried when I cut her nails like a little drama queen. Mom IMMEDIATELY tried to get near her to see the harm I was inflicted on her baby, so I kneeled down and let mom get a few licks in to make sure her baby was safe and sound.

Of course, puppy magic can't last an entire day. Eventually reality hits and we're faced with vomit, fractious cats, and bloody diarrhea... among other things. But to see a pile of brand new puppies just waiting to get a few snuggles and kisses in with you? You just have to savor those moments and smile for awhile.

SOAS Racing Team!

For the last 2 weeks I have been looking at my phone about every 15 minutes during business hours waiting to hear if I made the SOAS Racing Team as a brand ambassador. Their facebook update today said we would hear by today or tomorrow... which of course intensified my quickly becoming unhealthy email habit of "REFRESH REFRESH REFRESH".

During a particularly busy hour long stretch at work where I didn't even think about touching my phone and was running around like a crazy person, my phone rang and it was Dayle - "I MADE THE TEAM!" In that moment, I couldn't be more thrilled for her. Actually, honest-to-goodness overjoyed. I might've been screaming if I wasn't standing in the pharmacy behind the front desk... We talked before and said that regardless of what happened if either of us made the team, we were to be EXCITED about it and not be afraid of sharing it with the other. A second later, we hung up and I couldn't get to my email fast enough. Like, seriously, it wouldn't let me do it.

DAMN YOU IPHONE 4, YOU WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.

I knew I'd have an answer one way or another if I could eventually open my email without my phone freezing.

Minutes later (I kid you not), a new email from Stephanie Swanson popped up - "We would like to invite you to the team!"

After kissing and hugging the phone that I had just cursed into the deep depths of hell, a smile lit up my face and I did a crazy happy dance in the pharmacy. That is, until a client peeked in and I pretended like I was frantically wiping dog hair off my scrub top. My dance moves leave something to be desired... I'm not proud of that fact.

HOLY SHIT. In the back of my mind, I never really thought they would pick me. I mean I knew they'd be crazy not to, right? RIGHT?!? But honestly, I've only been really doing the triathlon thing for a year. The dabbling in years prior doesn't count - I didn't train for those races and usually signed up on a whim only a couple of weeks before. 2014 was the year... It opened up a new world for me, a new passion, something that not only helped me through difficult points in my life, but also gave me a focus and a network of people I never knew existed. Wait a sec, so there are other people out there that LIKE to run for hours for fun? That LIKE to spend endless time on a trainer in front of a TV watching movies? That LIKE to swim at 6 am, only to jump out of the pool and run in the park? WHO KNEW? I SURE DIDN'T!

I also realized that although I think I am a badass at times - there are people WAY MORE BADASS than myself. And slightly, marginally, just a tiny bit more intense about training and numbers and data and gear and technology... okay lets be honest, I actually know nothing about these things, but I want to learn if it makes me better.

For right now though, I did this... and I'm over-the-moon happy about it. One step in the direction I want to go...I get to be part of the SOAS racing team!

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and damn it, people like me. Thank you SOAS, I won't let you down! Dayle and I and the rest of the badass ladies are going to kill it next year!